I am a human salt lick.

Two days later, I've just awaken and my mouth is dry like the desert that misses the rain. I still can't put contacts in my eyes and don't ask me how I know but I'm excreting salt at a high rate as well.

Oh, mistakes were made and here's how it began.

It was this past Friday that I went to my friend Katie's immediately post-work. 6:30 and hungry, we were not eating dinner until all of her friends had arrived and had some drinks. As usual, I only craved savory things, so while we were getting ready, Katie pulled out a small tub of roasted almonds covered in sea salt. By no means were these almonds absolutely amazingly delicious. Banish from your mind the idea that these bad boys were roasted then covered in sugar and then salted. They were plain, clean, and flavored with sea salt. Bar food, Katie called it. They're good for you, really. Throughout a 2.5 hour period, Katie and I proceeded to kill the half tub, while deep into conversations with new friends. UGH, this was a bad idea, but at this point in the night, I had already lost volume control and the thin barrier that usually stops me from saying silly things. Of course, I'd lost the ability to stop shoving things into my mouth as well.

We proceeded to dinner at this Medit restaurant where I proceeded to eat pita bread and pizza. No bigs right? Well apparently I had the foresight to place a piece of pita in my clutch, so when I woke up the next morning - I could get another taste. I discovered that the pita bread was definitely extremely salty, but that the pizza was made from the same dough. More sodium consumption!

Following din, we ended the night with extremely silly dancing where I was definitely suffering from an intense case of dry mouth. My mouth was so parched. It felt like a wind storm had gone through and blown away any moisture that could form. My body hated me. I couldn't make out if I wanted to. Ew, dry mouth make out sesh :( Yeahhhhh right.

Rawr - so if those salty clues weren't enough? On the cab ride home, I could not swallow, I was miserable and I had the dryest mouth in my non-hungover life... and no way to get water. I was in the cab for 15 mins and the entire way home, all I could do was stare longingly at the bottle of water that my cabbie had in his cup holder. That would have been a new low.

I consume about 5 glasses of water, followed by 7 glasses of water the following day. This is day two and my joints are swollen, my eyes cannot hold contacts and frankly I'm afraid to put anything salty in my mouth. This is my version of hell. As the ultimate lover of salt, I've come to realize that I can never consume salty delights in this carefree manner again. I'm moisturizing from the outside as my salt ingestion dries my skin out from the inside :(

Okay, enough whining, I must go drink 3 more liters of water. Needless to say, no one will be taking pictures of my bloat until I can de-bloat in about... 72 hours. xxx

PS I just licked my lips, they are salty and I have not been sucking on a salt lick lolli all night... RAWR!