The Psuper Pseudo Intellectual

Dear Mr. Super Pseudo Intellectual,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm onto you. You think that just by sheer fact that you're both in school and at work that you're a hot shot? Sorry, son. Think again. Sadly, I think you may have the social skills of a high functioning Asbys. At first, I was impressed by the image that you projected, until I realized that it was just that, an image. Beneath that thin intellectual facade resides an ignoramus of monumental proportions. People who possess intelligence do not read while standing outdoors under an overhang of high traffic, when it's raining outside.

Sometimes when you think people aren't watching you, you exhibit the slackjaw. Or, in more simpler terms, the dumb jaw combined with the empty eye. It's a combination that can't be beat and when observed, rather telling. A combination of lack of comprehension and the acknowledgment that you know you should be able to understand this very simple concept with the added resolve to be better than all of your cohorts, I'd like to say I know what this feels like, but I don't.

To prove yourself smarter than others, you intellectual man, you, you've determined that the only way is to ask questions of which you already know the answers. Yeeeeeees. That'll show them. But it doesn't. Sadly, it just makes me loathe you even more. Look Mr. Pseudo Intellectual, I'm not expecting you to quote Shakespeare and disseminate the theories of Nietzsche. Just don't tell a four minute lead-in to a question so broad that it's impossible to answer.

Do you realize that using big words isn't the end-all be-all of exhibiting intelligence? Especially when you're using them incorrectly. That's rather embarrassing, isn't it? You know what isn't? The arrogance that you possessed while using the term

ANECDOTAL

instead of

HYPOTHETICAL, three times in five minutes in a room of fifteen people. You really didn't think that people would catch on?

All I got from that egregious misuse of words was that you don't understand word usage, which is a basic function of communication. So, Mr. Pseudo Intellectual, I'm onto you. I know what sort of role you're trying to portray yourself as, and sadly this is official notification of FAIL.

Loosen up and enjoy life. Slow down because it looks like you're gonna be staying awhile.

The Too Sexy Girl

You have to love the Too Sexy Girl. Thanks to my time in the sorority and just enjoying the art of people watching, I’ve come to meet many a Too Sexy Girl. She’s the girl that isn’t bad looking but more than anything she wants to be sexy. She has to try really hard, and finally, when you see her, she’s Too Sexy.

That extra exposed shoulder, the dress with the V so deep that we also have photos of the tops of her bra cups, tube tops combined tragically with even shorter shorts and very tall heels? Too much, she just has too much showing.

The Too Sexy Girl is always posing with one finger on her lips, lips pursed, or hip cocked with body posed contrapposto. Frankly, it’s overkill.

The Too Sexy Girl isn’t without friends. Actually, she may have many a worshipper, usually of the mousy brown hair sidekick who is fine without the Too Sexy girl but just doesn’t know it. Sadly, it’s friends like these that keep the Too Sexy Girl revved and always ready for some self-perceived “crazy” exploits. In reality, her activities are exactly like the rest of American society.

You know you’re talking to someone who is Too Sexy, when she wants to leave a perfectly comfortable seat so she can take full body photos by herself. The Too Sexy Girl may be a fan of the self photo.

The final kicker of the Too Sexy Girl is that she isn't actually fun. Frankly, she may look a hot mess, but under that carefully smudged eye makeup resides a girl that is very critical of her image. Hot mess on the outside, hot mess on the inside. So, what, you may ask, is the next sexy step, Too Sexy Girl? She doesn't know!

Be careful with a Too Sexy Girl, clueless worshippers, you may find that your Too Sexy friend will leave you for any little ego boost that talks to her!

 The Too Sexiest of them all.