The Psuper Pseudo Intellectual

Dear Mr. Super Pseudo Intellectual,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm onto you. You think that just by sheer fact that you're both in school and at work that you're a hot shot? Sorry, son. Think again. Sadly, I think you may have the social skills of a high functioning Asbys. At first, I was impressed by the image that you projected, until I realized that it was just that, an image. Beneath that thin intellectual facade resides an ignoramus of monumental proportions. People who possess intelligence do not read while standing outdoors under an overhang of high traffic, when it's raining outside.

Sometimes when you think people aren't watching you, you exhibit the slackjaw. Or, in more simpler terms, the dumb jaw combined with the empty eye. It's a combination that can't be beat and when observed, rather telling. A combination of lack of comprehension and the acknowledgment that you know you should be able to understand this very simple concept with the added resolve to be better than all of your cohorts, I'd like to say I know what this feels like, but I don't.

To prove yourself smarter than others, you intellectual man, you, you've determined that the only way is to ask questions of which you already know the answers. Yeeeeeees. That'll show them. But it doesn't. Sadly, it just makes me loathe you even more. Look Mr. Pseudo Intellectual, I'm not expecting you to quote Shakespeare and disseminate the theories of Nietzsche. Just don't tell a four minute lead-in to a question so broad that it's impossible to answer.

Do you realize that using big words isn't the end-all be-all of exhibiting intelligence? Especially when you're using them incorrectly. That's rather embarrassing, isn't it? You know what isn't? The arrogance that you possessed while using the term

ANECDOTAL

instead of

HYPOTHETICAL, three times in five minutes in a room of fifteen people. You really didn't think that people would catch on?

All I got from that egregious misuse of words was that you don't understand word usage, which is a basic function of communication. So, Mr. Pseudo Intellectual, I'm onto you. I know what sort of role you're trying to portray yourself as, and sadly this is official notification of FAIL.

Loosen up and enjoy life. Slow down because it looks like you're gonna be staying awhile.