Cycling Hipsters Beware

Look you fucking hipster. If you think that you deserve to ride your bike in between a truck with 8+ wheels and my 3k pound ride and survive, you're sadly mistaken. The rules of the road still apply. The fact that I almost ran you down today because I was riding on a shopping high means that a) you almost died, b) you're counting on the mercy factor and the fact that killing someone would ruin my high. I hate you as I braked to 5 miles an hour to look at you pedal in your too damn tight hipster jeans as I wonder how you could have any muscles in order to cycle. Maybe if you had more developed calves we wouldn't be in this situation!

M is for Mainstream

I'm fighting my urge to fall in line with the rest of American and watch American Idol, but it looks like this year, I've FINALLY fallen in love with one of the singers.




She's 19, a glass blower's apprentice from Cape Cod, a true hipster, with the most awesome Irish name ever. Siobhan Magnus... I am a fan.

I'm glad that tomorrow is finally Friday. It's been a long week, my friends. I think I might have to start emailing myself at work directly to my blog in order to get posts in. I'm barely coherent at this time these days.

Videos posted worth me posting!

I like these. I discovered via Geekologie.com.

Definition of a Hipster

Ironically, my first perception of what a hipster came in China. I confess, I didn't know what it meant. It was 2007 and up until then, I was enrolled in a state university in the South and predominantly hung out with my friends, in my sorority. So hipsters... not my scene at all.

My friend started the beginning of my hipster discovery while gushing about how hipster her brother's haircut was. Hipster - there was that word again. I had just learned the word emo. Hipster... Hipster, hipster.

The Urban Dictionary offers the following definition of a hipster:

Hipster

Listens to bands that you have never heard of. Has hairstyle that can only be described as "complicated." (Most likely achieved by a minimum of one week not washing it.) Probably tattooed. Maybe gay. Definitely cooler than you. Reads Black Book, Nylon, and the Styles section of the New York Times. Drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon. Often. Complains. Always denies being a hipster. Hates the word. Probably living off parents money - and spends a great deal of it to look like they don't have any. Has friends and/or self cut hair. Dyes it frequently (black, white-blonde, etc. and until scalp bleeds). Has a closet full of clothing but usually wears same three things OVER AND OVER (most likely very tight black pants, scarf, and ironic tee-shirt). Chips off nail polish artfully after $50 manicure. Sleeps with everyone and talks about it at great volume in crowded coffee shops. Addicted to coffee, cigarettes (Parliaments, Kamel Reds, Lucky Strikes, etc.), and possibly cocaine. Claims to be in a band. Rehearsals consist of choosing outfits for next show and drinking PBR. Always on the list. Majors or majored in art, writing, or queer studies. Name-drops. May go by "Penny Lane," "Eleanor Rigby," etc. when drunk. On PBR. Which is usually.

When I returned to America, I realized that hipsters and I had a lot in common. Then, I realized, some of my friends were hipsters. Straaaaange. How did I not see this before? Do they deny it? Yes. Most definitely.

Don't worry. She's French.

To me, there are two separate definitions of what perceived hipsters are. On one side, a hipster is someone who is educated, who has read books and not those that are on the New York Times Best Sellers' list with last names as Grisham, Clancy, or Roberts. A hipster is a starving scholar who is not concentrated on things like fashion and wears hand-me-downs on her rail thin body. She makes them fit better with a belt. Hipsters listen to music that isn't popular, but often catchy, i.e. Feist, the Bird and the Bee (aaamazing). Hipsters drink PBR because it's cheap and not that bad. Who cares? Because a hipster is so thin that 2 PBRs = drunk.

This hipster often is confused with the faux hipster, the poseur. This hipster is no hipster at all. See, hipster=trendy right now. Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, even Anthropologie all have hipster flare and they all have pricing points starting at about minimum $35~$50 dollars for flannel. The boots she wears was not a thrift store find but instead a distressed boot that was actually purchased for $300. The scarf she wears was perhaps bought in a market in Italy, but she wishes that it was from somewhere like Maroc or Istanbul. Most likely it was purchased at Urban. These hipsters are pretentious about their taste in music and books. "You must read...", and "I'm sure you haven't heard of it, but...." are often how they start their sentences.

These hipsters don't venture out of their hipster circles. They starve themselves to achieve the hipster thin-ness although most likely, they never had any tits and ass in the first place. They wear dark empty horn-rimmed glasses. Knowing French can help you become a better hipster since France is home of hipsters. The exception to the hipster: people with French nationality.

A lot of people cannot be hipsters. Fat girls cannot be hipsters. Something about skinny jeans on more than 140 lbs is ironic, but not in a hipster manner. Girls with any sort of a body that can perceived as a woman - usually not a good a hipster. Androgyny is key. Hipster men wear jeans so tight that you know eventually hipster-isms must end, as these men will gain weight.

Hipsters are different from foodies, although there is some overlap. Foodies are not hipsters. Hipsters like to over infuse irony in their lives. "Look at me....don't look at me."

Both types can be found everywhere, with a high concentration known to be in Williamsburg. Hipsters in their most extreme form can be viewed here: Hilarious. Please don't be that hipster!

Feel free to enjoy this as well.