Soy Vey!

Like most every weekend, I went to the closest town, Yunxian to relax and celebrate no working with a few friends. Unlike every other weekend, this weekend was the first of December, which constitutes its own celebration, a celebration of mustaches. As November was a holiday of no shaving for many of the male fellows, I was eager to see the mustaches created just in time for our mustache bash. A small gathering of facial follicles, the mustache bash weekend began with a story.

Later that night...real men with real mustaches

Peter had come in and he hadn’t had any food all day. Tom, Gareth and I, along with Peter decided that we would go to the Dongbei restaurant for a late lunch. This place knows us well and I suspect has enjoyed a history of ripping us off. The average price per person at every other restaurant is 10  元 while at here, it’s twice the price. I can’t deny that sometimes I just have to go to this place because they have the best meat dishes, meat, being something I hardly eat during the week. We sat down and quickly ordered as one of the waitresses prepared hot tea for us at the next table.

I watched as she poured boiling hot water into the glass tea cups. She brought two glasses over, giving tea to Peter and me first. I sat on the right, closest to the edge. As she leaned over the table to set tea in front of Gareth and Tom, I realized several things at once. One, she was incredibly short, I saw her get on her tips as she was leaning forward. Then, I heard a smash and saw that my tea glass had spilled unto the ground. I looked down at my lap and grabbed my dress. Soaked. Tom looks over and asks if I’m okay.

I didn’t feel a thing. And then all at once, BURNING. Burning spreading from thigh, onto my right knee and down my leg. I was in shock. Quickly, the littlest waitress ran to get the proprietress of the restaurant who asked me if I was okay. I didn’t know what I was feeling other than burning so when she offered me her hand, I grabbed it.

She took me past where her husband was cooking and into the back of the restaurant, where I saw her point to an urn on the ground, which I assumed was full of clean water. She proceeded to try to lift my dress and see where I had been burned, but I was wearing black tights. She kept saying.. “It’s okay for strangers to see.. Let this stranger see.” And I just kept saying NO no no, before I could finally take in a breath and tell her to hold on ONE second. She pushed me one foot over into this corner of the room, not a big space, probably between 2 feet by 4 feet? I stood and pulled off my tights and bunched my skirt up so that we could both look at the damage. At this point, the littlest waitress handed her the urn that she had previously pointed to. Oh good, I thought, cold water.

‘Splash!’ The cooling splash of liquid was soothing to the touch, but two things were very wrong with this image. Number 1 being of course having a stranger splash liquid unto your thighs and inner thighs, where no burns had occurred and the second being that liquid was SOY SAUCE. I pulled my cream colored dress high as to not incur any soy sauce stains as I let the proprietress of the restaurant smack soy sauce up and down the length of the front of my leg. Wow. She put the urn down and went to the front to have her son by ointment for me to put on. I stood momentarily on one leg, the other covered in soy sauce with my dress bunched around my waist. Good judgment wearing underwear. Semper ubi sub ubi never fails!

The littlest waitress came forward and gave me a hug and tissues. I realized then that, I must look like the scariest of messes since I had splurged and put on eye makeup and that the burn had shocked some tears out of my eyes, causing all eyeliner to run. She, then proceeded to help me wipe my other shoe, which had sustained a lot of soy sauce damage. (Good thing the shoes were a China purchase of 13 元!) I stood for another two minutes before I heard Tom ask from where we were sitting if I was okay. I answered positively hoping beyond all hopes that none of the boys that I had come in with would come back here and see me in my soy glory.

I stood in the corner, dizzingly waiting for the proprietress to return. The lack of lunch was making my headache! Finally, when the proprietress returned, I told her that I was fine and that I’d like to join my friends again. She ordered the littlest waitress to help me wash my leg, who then rinsed a dirty tub out and filled it with warm water. I bent to splash the soy sauce on my leg but she pushed my hand away. With both hands, she scrubbed my leg clean and apologized to me again. Again, two things ran through my mind, this feels weird and man, I could probably get used to being washed. This was the first time that I had worn tights in China, and I’m so thankful that I did. The tights saved me from second degree burns, as well as the embarrassment of having to sit in wet pants or worse, no pants while eating a late lunch with three guys!

At the end of the meal, we still paid about 20 元a person, as it’s not a developed enough area for restaurant owners to give away meals just because one of their careless littlest waitstaff scalds the length of your right leg with hot tea.