We're DONE

I'm a bit early. But this is the last photo that I'm taking with my 7th graders today.

This year has been a fun bratty year! I love this kids!

Ultimate Fail

A lot of you may not know this and may be shocked to hear this but... I do not own a single Apple product. No iPod, no Shuffle, no iPad. In fact, I was thinking about buying my first iPad or iPod touch this summer.... in looking into it, I was going to see if I could trade in my current mp3 player for a store credit before purchasing my new Apple product...

But as you can see by the title of this blog, perhaps NOT. Dear pickpockets of China, heed this post and don't steal my worthless 6 year old Creative Zen from me. Thanks. My headphones are worth more. 

Lazy Tuesdays

Shaojie is stupid beautiful. 

Gauche hillbilly tourists at Starbucks

Much to my surprise, there is one Starbucks in the Sanlitun style development in Kunming, called Wangfujing. Phoebe and I didn't mean to go, but then our cab stopped RIGHT in front of the block, and I suggested we just walk by, since smells are free after all.  

We stood in line - and then I whipped out my camera. Since we were already in line... we decided to bite the bullet and spend 30 RMB (go venti or go home) for an American caffeine dream. 

xo caffeine - I love you. 

Hotel lobby or....

Papa John's in Kunming? 

Phoebe and I feasted here like little piglets over a 9" stuffed crust Supreme. NOM. 

A Salve for my Sole

I had a three day weekend last weekend to celebrate the Dragon Boat racing festival - instead going to my usual haunts in Dali, I decided to take an adventure to Kunming. 

Over the course of 3 days, I accidentally bought nine pairs of shoes. Here they are. Pardon the shoe pun! 

*I didn't mean to! I bought two pairs in one sitting, then... another pair that I wanted to buy the first night - that's how you know you want it when you think about it the next day. Then, I bought six more pairs on Sunday. 

Oops :) I'm glad that I did. 

The Brewmaster and his Mistress

No, this isn't a romance novel that I'm reading, although I have to admit it sounds really quite exciting. On Sunday, while Ken and I were hanging out before I went back to town, a gentlemen at a nearby table ordered us a beer. I cringed, it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I was on my way home. We look over to discover that the man that ordered us a beer was a Chinese man who had the ability to speak English in complete sentences. His pronunciation wasn't the best, but the only other man in town that could speak English well was a man who used to be a migrant worker in Abu Dhabi... I'd really like to interview him at some point.

Right, so , this man had a crisp white business shirt on, nice glasses and he ordered Ken and me a beer. Nice man – it turns out – he introduced himself as the Brewmaster. Insidious? Not at all, yet. When he opened his mouth, I saw three rotting front teeth of his mouth and realized the poorness of Chinese dentistry. Is America the only country obsessed with dental work?

The Brewmaster of what you ask, and why do I keep capitalizing the B? Because I've deemed its importance and I make the rules on this blog and in my classroom – rawr. Not related, sorry -  A lot of the comments on this post will be otherwise unrelated. The Brewmaster is the brewmaster for the only beer that we can drink in town, Lancang Jiang. It's palpable when it's cold but when it's not, it's rather disgusting. I doled compliments on his work and departed on my way.

This was the last I would see of the Brewmaster… until Tuesday. How kismet! Unfortunately, I had come into town on the afternoon bus and was planning on staying at the County seat overnight so that I could run copies of a test for my students and enjoy 50% off steaks at the No. 1 Steakhouse in Yunxian/ the only steak house in Yunxian. We at TFC patron this place a lot so I know that I could sit there alone for hours on end and not be disturbed. Well, this is true no more. As I was eating my steak et steak frites, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the bulky body of the Brewmaster. I kept my eyes tightly fastened to that of my Kindle, the book that I was reading suddenly a phenomenon that I had never seen before. He circled me a few times before he caught my attention. "Hello, do you remember me?" Imagine this is said in super bootleg broke ass English. I nodded politely. He kept speaking English, I responded to him in Chinese as a way to combat his poor pronunciation. Normally, if you lead by example, he will sooner or later start to also speak the Chinese.

"Can I sit down?" So begins the adventure. He started by talking about his daughter who had just gone to NYC for a Model UN conference. He was from Qingdao and was working at the Lancang jiang beer plant. He had worked in France for Dannon and in England in a brewery. He appeared to be an overly intelligent man and therefore I assumed that he'd be able to understand English brilliantly. I finished my  meal within two bites of the conversation and couldn't find a way to extricate myself. I would wait until his food arrived, I told myself.

His food never arrived. He never ordered food and he was rude to the wait staff. I think it partially has to do with the fact that he's from the North but also because it seems like having the manager and the wait staff hate you was a point of pride for him.

I waited another spurt of times before I started to crack. I had no idea what time it was but I was tired of making small talk, I wasn't having fun and I didn't want to be there anymore. I pulled out my cell phone and made an emergency text. Ken, John Kuo, Tom and Lucas all received texts from me – They needed to call me immediately, I needed to get out of where I was immediately.

Tom answered my SOS immediately. Unfortunately, the Brewmaster at this point decided that he needed to excuse himself to go to the little boy's room. AHHHHHHHHH. Tom's call was in vain and not only that but the Brewmaster came back to tell him that he had invited his friend over and they were coming soon.

I laughed, taking it in stride on the outside, but freaking out on the inside. Another man like the Brewmaster? HELP. I waited for thirty more minutes before another kind sir helped me. Lucas.

Lucas: Hey

Christine: Hi! Are you in town?

L: No, I'm at school.

C: Great! I'm going to come see you in 30 mins.

L: You're going to come to Maolan in 30 mins.

C: No, silly. I'll call you.

L:….okay.

C: See you in 30 mins!

Lucas hangs up clearly very confused, and I hang up, cheerfully before looking up to my present company.

The Brewmaster and his friend; I was mistaken, He had invited his mistress to dinner. Why did I assume that this girl was his mistress? First of all, he's mid 40s, early 50s and near the top of the brewery. This "co-worker" of his was clearly a girl younger than me, who worked in quality control at the Baijiu bottling plant. The two never should interact with one another and clearly would not if they were not having an affair. She's a local and he doesn't even understand what she's saying most of the time. Upon the arrival of his mistress, he ordered way too much food including a ball of icecream for me that forced me to stay even longer. I looked at the clock ticking away – 30 mins had almost arrived.

Isn't this great, the Brewmaster said to me. The next time you come into town, you should tell me and the three of us should continue to hang out together. He seemed very confident in his plans for fun. What. The. Fuck. I mentioned to him that I might like to invite other friends, but he casually pushed that away. He truly wanted to only hang out – me, mistress and himself. This, I couldn't fathom. He was enjoying flaunting his English prowess to a girl that couldn't even properly speak Chinese. Disgusting.

 I had arrived at the Steakhouse at 6:30 and it was almost 9 when I left.

During this time, I managed to wrangle a carte blanche invitation to the Lancang Brewery that I hope to actually go to next weekend. This means that I will have to call this sleazoid but at least I wouldn't have to go at it alone.  Two and a half hours, almost well spent. I went home, finished watching Gnomeo and Juliet and great enjoyed the rest of my evening lying under air conditioning, alone. 

Another edition of: my kids are so poor that...

They play with giant beetles. 

Today, on my way to lunch, I passed three of my kids playing with a dark something in their hands. I stopped to pass them and was horrified at what I saw. In Chandler's hand was a giant beetle. Big. Really big!

And, across the thorax was a red X that was actually a red string that they had tied around the beetle to distinguish it from its friend. I asked them what they did with all the beetles, Fred responded, "We make them snatch things."

Horrifying. Every prank made by children in movies came to my mind as I realized that I had to pass them. As I walked passed them, I feared that they would drop the beetle down my shirt. 

Dear children, one day, I hope you get toys soon.

Love,

Christine

Engrish in China

BIG SURPRISE. Engrish exists in China. These shirts were harder to find than I thought. So we bought three of them. 

What does this moon?!

There's a bunny on the bus!

Lately, whenever Phoebe and I try to leave town, we have to wait a requisite 30 to 40 mins before the bus even starts. Most of the time, we read, we talk, and we mutually groan about the lack of timeliness of the Chinese bus system. This day, I think it was two weeks ago, we were waiting and as we were walking down the hill and I noticed a first grader following us. Somehow, her face always reminds me of a bunny and she is an unabashed starer as well.

A bunny starer. So, Bunny, as I like to call her, she was stealthily following us down the hill from our house, through town, around the corner to the bus and finally, she stood on the narrow platform peeking in on Phoebe and I as we sat, waiting for the bus to start.

When I made eye contact with her, she started to giggle, soon enough she gained enough courage to play peek-a-boo with me from outside of the bus. Laughing, she ran to the other side of the bus and Phoebe and I watched as she waved to us. In a moment that is so good that it has to be true, Bunny ran out of our line of vision and then returned with a large sheet of lettuce. A Bunny with lettuce!!! She waved it at us like a fan and laughed, running around the path. 

Hilarious. Somehow she lost the the lettuce, sat in another villager's house, watched TV for about 15 mins before she got even more guts to get on the bus, where I pulled out my camera and started taking pictures of her. 

Bunny and I are friends now. Right before the bus started, she had been sitting in the seat behind Phoebe and me, poking me through the crack between the seats.  When she got off, she waved good bye :) I love bunnies and Bunny!

Nutrition is No. 1 in rural China!

I just ate a huge bowl of Jell-O Instant Chocolate Fudge pudding and a can of tonic water for dinner. Am I a hobo?

It was so delicious!!!! My teeth feel like they may fall out of my mouth from over sugar stimulation. I am very afraid of the sugar crash that is coming soon.

Days alone in Shaojie: 3. AHHHH YUMMY.

When Tom grows a mustache...

and puts on aviator sunglasses and it's the middle of the night and we have nothing better to do - it's awesome!

Dear Mosquitoes

I hate you and I hate you for having more discretion in the places you bite. Face should be off limits. C'mon!

CHEATERS

Today, out of 51 kids, 29 of my 7th graders admitted to me with raised hands that they cheated on the morning's quiz. Let's do the math, shall we? 29/51 = 56.8% of my students cheated this morning and the ones that didn't, mostly scores 0/10. I much prefer a 0 than a C in my grade book, but I think the problem with my students is that they've told me that they much prefer seeing 10 falsely earned checks on their papers than a 0 that they earned. I don't think you understand, in China, students don't have grades - they only have midterm and final scores - so the grades that I give on a daily basis mean NOTHING.

I've told them time and time again that their quiz grades only matter to me. It's a measure of my performance as a teacher and that I've promised that I wouldn't get mad if I saw that they were earning zeros. It just meant that we would need to cover the material over again. I'm glad that my students feel like they can admit openly that they cheated and I promised that I wouldn't tell the principal. I'm still trying to figure out a way to teach them that cheating is meaningless and harms them more than it disappoints me without losing their trust. 

I didn't grade their quizzes and I put HK sad faces on them. I see them in 3 hours and what I've figured I'm going to do is reward those that didn't cheat and have the rest of them write an apology and explanation letter to me. Talk about a day deflator. 

Uno mas from Monihei

I love us!

FEATURING JOHN KUO'S BLOG on the Water Festival

For future reference, John Kuo's blog, A Little Trouble in Big China, can be found here. I had on my to blog list a blog on Poshuijie, the water festival by the local Dai people, but as it turns out, John Kuo's blog on the Waterfest was perfect.

Here's his take on the water fest: this is his post, but I'm copying and pasting the post that I like here: - THANKS John!

Water Festival

By John Kuo on April 19, 2011 8:56 AM| No Comments

I was standing outside my hotel in Xingfu when I saw a car speeding down the main road. Pete, a Fellow at Xingfu Elementary School, stuck his body out the window, holding onto the white van with one hand and onto a bucket with the other. "Get in the car! Get in the car!" he yelled.

This past weekend was the Water Festival, a Dai ethnic minority festival where people splash water on each other to celebrate the New Year. Everyone gets into the festival and no one is safe. At first I thought I was going to miss the holiday because, for some odd reason, our bosses scheduled a conference at the same time. Luckily, there was Dai village right behind Xingfu Middle School.

Pete's yelling and the van's sudden appearance incapacitated me for a minute, but down the street I saw Laura and Christine being chased by water-flinging little girls, so I hurriedly jumped in the van. Once the others had escaped the water, we made our way towards the village and Pete pointed to a smiley man in the front passenger seat. "Yo, say hello to my friend Baozi," he said.

Along the way, children harmlessly splashed water against the car doors and we saw water gun armed gangs creeping out from alleys. As we passed a woman washing her clothes, Christine screeched, "Splash her, Pete! Splash her! I'm gonna get that bitch later." Earlier, the same woman had pretended to wash her clothes as we walked down the road, but in a moment of sneakiness, dumped her entire washbasin over Christine's head.

The road towards the village narrowed, and motorcycles carrying water bucket-toting children passed us, inches away from our windows. The village's main square slowly came into view and dozens of villagers eyed us hungrily. When we came to a halt, the Water Festival seemed to as well. Children surrounded our van, holding with buckets over their heads and water guns aimed at our faces. "We probably should have come with buckets," Christine lamented.

Christine was right. Within moments of exiting the van, we were all soaked. Since I didn't have a bucket, I just resorted to grabbing kids' filled buckets out of their hands and dumping water on their heads. Others just stole buckets from helpless children. Pete, who already had a bucket, would just catch water flung at him in his bucket and then fling it back, while repeatedly yelling (in English, of course), "You don't get it. I played lacrosse."

Pete, on the phone, and splashing kids

By the end, we smelled of river water and once we tired of being attacked by children, we joined Dai women wearing traditional dresses dancing in the village center. On the side, men beat drums. One Xingfu woman I talked to said that we should have gone elsewhere because Xingfu was too small. I disagreed, though, saying that Xingfu was just right; it was a genuine celebration.  

The Secret Garden

Play hard. Work harder. Oh, what am I doing in rural China? Lest you forget, I’m a teacher and as a teacher I have certain responsibilities that mostly involve teaching my roomful of seventh graders engaged in learning English. How do I do that?

Well… I decided that I was tired of looking at the ugly remnants of the back of my room, which I had been doing so FOR LONG.

 

WHAT is that you ask? Remnants of sticky bits from years passed – every morning I awaken to looking at that in the back of my classroom – well, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I made it my project starting at the beginning of the semester. I’ve been back since March and I’ve been plotting to cover the back with something for so long. At first, it was ducks, perhaps cars? I also teach my 7th graders art, so I decided to make it OUR art project.

But what to do with such finicky students? Their capricious attitudes frustrated me time and time again until I came upon the perfect idea. It would take a lot of work, but it was something that I was definitely willing to do.

This project benefited me in a variety of ways. I needed to get to know my students better. I wanted to know their motivations – and what makes them tick.

They needed an art project.

The art project needs to be in English.

I want the back wall of my classroom to be covered.

SO – my plan of action involved having each student prepare 10 secrets that they wanted to divulge to me. Ha! You laugh. What makes you think that my students would tell me their secrets? Because no one else asks that’s why. I got some really amazing ones.

When you’re in class from dawn until past dusk and you only see your parents on the weekends – having someone else to talk to… priceless.

When I presented the idea to them, I told them ten secrets and all of them freaked out. They didn’t have ten secrets they told me – I told them, fine. 10 things you want me to know – secrets, hopes, dreams, wishes…. and then I scheduled 5 min meetings with all 51 of my kids.

I started a notebook and started translating. The first part of my project was in place. They prepare the secrets, I write them down but in English so that no one else can read it .

Then, I take those secrets, and copy them down on colored paper which I teach them how to fold into origami flowers, which we would then post on the back wall.

But that wall is huge! So was this endeavor.

Here they are – folding their secrets that I copied unto paper. 10 secrets/kid = 500 secrets!

They began to pile up and pile and pile! I put them in folders and stuck them under my mattress to flatten them until the next week!

Simple, pastel and pretty, I soon had over 500 flowers but I knew it wasn’t enough. The following week, I went into town, bought more paper and on the day that I planned on sticking my flowers up – my flowers filled with secrets, I was taking suggestions from my students on how they wanted to put them up but ultimately, I run this town.

We started with the land and the sky. Clouds and grounds. I split my kids into teams, the paper folding teams, the sorting teams, the taping teams and my pioneers- the desk standing stick teams.

My students at work!

Our secret garden was beginning to form. At the end of 2 hours…

Things were forming into a beautiful mural made of folded origami flowers! At the end, I gathered all my kids in the back of the room and let them pose however they wanted. I loved this one. I’m so proud of them.

… and after they left, I took another photo.

Please! Click to enlarge.

Other Monihei picture favorites

Here are some other pictures that I really enjoy that I didn’t incorporate in any other posts:

Sunburned boys.

Poolside girl love.

BULLFIGHT

In front of this majestic Banyan tree

Post mud-fight

Meta picture taking

The most awkward/AWESOME photo ever to prove how hilarious life can be. Lucas and I were playing slaps after dinner when a man with NO hands and forearms came upon us. We froze, then took video of him talking to us. This is the face that I like to make when I’m HORRIFIED and laughing. I just couldn’t believe that this was seriously happening. What is the word to describe this situation?

Hei hei: MONIHEI!

On the bus ride back, I decided to cover my camera with sandwich bags. I was determined to bring my camera into the high mud zone. Little did I know that the second the mud fighting would start that there would be NO OPPORTUNITIES FOR PHOTOS.

We waited outside at 2:30 for the gates to open. At 2:45 a huge herd of people rushed unto a field. We waited for an opening dancing ceremony to happen while a lot of us just hovered over huge planter pots full of doctored mud.

Here are some pre-fight shots, which I think are pretty awesome.

Sure they’re blurry but… the Chinese people just couldn’t keep their hands off the opportunity to be the first ones to schmear mud all over the white people (thankfully not me, yet).

(obvi click to enlarge!)

A performance went on before all the people got bored, mid way through someone flung open a tub and the techno music went on. I have discovered that techno music does tend to make exciting things a lot more exciting – in this case, two songs on repeat allowed a field full of people to schmear mud in places that I can’t even speak of. At one point, I looked to my right to see Lucas and John picking up a nearly empty planter to dump its contents on my head. Axel was slip and sliding in the muddy ground. Laura and Sean were interviewed by CCTV. Lucas and Sean posed in front of a stage full of people while John and I smacked handfuls of mud on Chinese popo.

These are what we looked like after:

The mud that we were slathered in was supposed to be easy to wash off and had a light scent of cacao. I suppose it was like what it would be to smear melted cocoa butter on stranger by the tub full. In the end, we were all hunting for people that had skin exposed. It was a mud fight to remember – ridiculous and utterly worth it.  In case you were wondering from left to right, Laura, Lucas, Axel, me, and Sean. The second photo was the same except with a new Chinese friend that wanted to be in our pic. WORTH IT.