I love Taipei!

I am about leave Taipei and I just visited the Hello Kitty gate in the second terminal. Taiwan is such a tropical island with delicious fruit and rawrrrrrrrr-amazing dumplings and savory delicacies. 

AH I am sad to leave! But I'm at the gate to Hong Kong. I will share pictures at some point! Check my facebook - I'm posting a few unedited ones as I go!

Beijing Out

Beijing for me was a lot different than Shanghai. Shanghai was all about doing things with people every single second, Beijing was more of a retreat. I have friends in town, but they're working or would not have come in for 2 days. For all intents and purposes, I was vacationing alone. I'm staying at my cousin's in Beijing. He's very busy and he lives in a central location in the CBD (Central Business District) and I had my own room and my own key. Right across the street from Suzie Wong's, his place is easy to find, after it's already been found.

The weather was dry heat not humid, but the pollution was probably 10x worse. I woke up after the first day with a throat that felt dusty. After drinking 4 glasses of water, I felt better but you can never be too sure because I can't take the risk of getting sick while in Asia. 

In Beijing, I purchased things that I've been craving. I stolled the stalls of the Silk Market and Yashow markets, looking for my goodies. Their names are Bottega, Longchamp, and Goyard. I also bought three Longchamps and an ArcTeryx jacket. Each one was a struggle, a haggle, and a compromise. Each time you go to the market, you need to bargain and bargaining in Beijing is like telling a story to an audience of avid listeners that will either appreciate your story or steal your money. Cutthroats, they have no qualms about taking any money that you're stupid enough to give them.

My story has been something like this. First of all, don't think that you can do this. You'll have to take another approach. It's really hard to duplicate this situation as I possess qualities necessary to make this fly - qualities many readers do not have. Here is what I bring to the table: I look Chinese, but not quite. I am a lot bigger than the average Chinese person as they are no more than sticks. Then, I speak perfect Chinese but I have a Taiwanese accent that cannot be hidden. I also have a round cute face and a voice that Hello Kitty would have, if she were a girl. I can't help that my Chinese voice is about 6 octaves higher than my English voice. I also look young to Chinese people, they think I'm in college or even just graduated high school.  I always use how old they think I am to my advantage.

I choose my item. In this case, a Goyard bag. I look around Beijing, and finally finally find one. Ubiquitous in Shanghai, they were almost impossible to find in Beijing. ONE stall has it in Yashow. I walk past it, then walk back, asking curiously if I might try that one on. I look at them all and carefully decide on the color. After you've set what you want, it's time to get to business.

As I'm bargaining, I start weaving my background. It's the end of June, so I told them that I was a student that's just about to graduate. I wanted to buy something nice for myself, but also for my cousin's birthday. You see, she's 28 and can't buy ugly, shiny things with sequins, extra buckles, rhinestones are tassles on them. She needs something plain, something classic. Oh, this bag that I'm using? She bought me this bag so I'll need to buy her something just as nice. 

The trick with bargaining with these bitches is that you have to let them give you a price first. It's hard, but you don't want to show your hand. If they agree too quickly it means that you're being had. If it's truly too low, then they'll turn you away. This usually doesn't happen as any anger they feign is just that, FAKE as the bag you're wanting to purchase. 

The stall worker opens bargaining at 450. She likes me, she's giving me a better price than she gives the Japanese people and the Koreans. 450! I repeat, laughingly. I shake my head ruefully. I can't afford that, that's MUCH too high. I make my way to go. I apologize for wasting her time as I've just spent 10 mins politely asking her to take down all her bags just so I can have this blue one, but I can't afford it. She stops me, well, what price do you want to pay for it? I laugh, looking the bag, the price I can afford is not one that you're going to sell me, I respond.

What is it? She insists on knowing. I open my pricing at 100. Now, it's her turn to laugh. 600 is what Koreans and Japanese buy it for. I agree with her. I'm sure it is but I'm not Korean nor am I Japanese. I'm here to buy my cousin's birthday present. She drops the price from 450 to 400. I told her, what sort of compromise is 400? I said 100. That's still 4x what I am willing to buy. I can't. I can not afford it. I make to leave again.

She looks at me, this time, angrily. Tell me a price I can work with. I can't sell it to you for 100. Fine. I go up to 110. She scoffs. She grabs my arm. She is very frustrated with me because I'm not going higher in larger increments. I ask to borrow her calculator to make sure what I'm doing is something that i still want to do. 

She says to me fine, I'll cut you a bargain - how about 330. Score: Her - 330, me: 110. 

I look her in the eye and tell her that 110 is the highest I can go. I push the bag away and tell her that I'll find it somewhere else. She swears to me that her stall is the only one that has it. I tell her, I haven't been to all the stalls so i don't know if that's true. I tell her that not only have I got to buy this for my cousin, but I'm taking her out to dinner as well. I don't have enough money to do both if I buy her this expensive bag. 

She pushes me to push a higher price. I relent - 120. She wants more - I tell her I can't give it to her. She starts to get more aggressively angry but I don't care about her feelings. I push it away and tell her I don't want the bag if I can't pay 120. I am poor and cannot afford it. Fine. 125, I say. She's also dropped the price to 300. 

We're moving. Moving on down! At this point I'm converting on the calculator constantly to make sure that i'm still staying within range of what I'm willing to pay. I set a max of 150 for this bag in my head - I can't go more because then I would be surpassing 20$ USD for a bag that's normally 1200+$USD. I'm close, I can feel it.

She pounds out on the calculator - 200. She tells me it's the lowest that she's ever sold the bag for. 200. I ask her, why not go lower? I shake my head again and walk out of the stall, down the row. She's yelling at me from her stall telling me to come back. I ask her, 135? She tells me to come back, come back, come back. 回来回来回来！I go back, I'm going to get my way. 

OK OK, 190, she tells me. She's never gone lower than 200 before. I laughed and start to walk away. That's totally NOT 135. She huffs and stops talking to me. Her co-worker threatens to put the bag up. I give it to him. I tell him I'm sorry this was such a waste of time. She's mad, what is 55 dollars more? Exactly, I respond - I actually don't even have 200 cash in my wallet. I have 190, and that has to take me back home in a cab. So technically, I can't buy anything for more than 175, at the lowest. If I can go to 175, then I can go 150. She relents and goes down to 180. I look at my money and I tell her that it's too much. I can't even afford to get a cab home from here if I give her all my money.

Her co-worker lowers it again, to 170, saying that he's giving me 10 dollars to take a cab home. But what if it goes over, I query? 10 dollars isn't very much for a cab, in fact, it's the sit down rate before the meter even jumps. (Actually, this is exactly the rate I need. I can walk 30 mins in 90 degree heat or pay $1.50 to take a cab. Hmmmmmm. You tell me.) 

The original woman that I've been dealing with is scornful. What is another 30 RMB, she asks? I tell her 30 RMB is not a lot to her, but it sure is to me. I tell her the highest I could go is 150. She laughs even though we're already at 170. The other stall worker from across the way tells me that she'll take it. I withdraw 150 and start waving it in her face. 150 150 150 150, I wave it. 

She doesn't want to take it, but I can tell her friend does. NO, she insists, 160. The war has been won. I hand him the 150 and he gives me a bag for my purchase. 150 is so much money. ARGH.

 I am satisfied. 

This is how I broker every deal. It's worth it.

Americans are Douchebags

I am sitting in the airport restaurant - these American guys from Pittsburgh are disgusting. They aren't smart enough to realize the time difference in Tokyo from China, so they miss their flight. Apparently they were smoking and didn't hear the announcements announcing their flights, nor did they hear that the people call their name.  The son of the first man freaks out and is cussing, calling Japanese money monopoly money.

"They don't accept American dollars," the son said incredulously, as though a developed nation such as Japan should have to accept money other than their own. 

"I just want to lay out on the tarmac in front of a plane and die." Incredible.

His father, bragged about the pretty girls in Shenzhen. ... if you get what i mean, about how his boss would send him there every so often - the only pretty girls I know are the ones that are hookers.

"I can't eat their food."

He lived in Shenzhen for three months - and can't eat meat with rice?

OMG. Americans suck.

Shanghai In

I'm sitting in the airport in Tokyo. I have a 5 hour layover. I thought I would take the time to write about my travels. Because I don't have internet access I have no clue what I've already written, although admittedly, I know it's not been very much. 

On the flight in, I was quarantined minimally while on the plane and arrived in Shanghai, pretty much without issue. Seeing my friends, one of which I hadn't seen for two years was incredible. I have spent this time talking to her regularly and truly it didn't even feel like more than months, not years had passed since we had seen one another. Friends like Yaya and Katie really made me feel comfortable, hanging out with them felt like slipping on an old favorite t-shirt. Awesome, filled with memories, and definitely worth keeping for years to come.

The first night upon arrival, I ate delicious Chinese food at a ritzy place where we drank basil martinis, which could sound disgusting but in fact were rimmed with layers of hard sugar, that it would have been impossible for it to taste bad. We then went with a few other friends to watch a performance of the Laramie Project. The space that this play was held was intimate and inviting. Too much so, that the moment that the lights dimmed, I fought consciousness. 

More than one time, I found myself nodding off, unable to control my jetlag, sometimes immediately after making eye contact with one of the performers. You see, it was so intimate that I was sitting on the 2nd row. My friend rationalized that perhaps the bright lights would keep them from seeing us. This was not so. 

As a play that was set in Wyoming, all the actors had a tough time forming proper accents. A few of them resembled Southern accents, while others flitted in and out of British accents - it was confusing and later annoying.

The night ended early, as I was exhausted and readying for my all nighter the following night.

The next morning, I woke up at an ungodly hour and went around my friends' apartment to explore. I picked up a sweet tea!!!! and a few baozi for a pre-morning snack. It definitely hit the spot. Later, after everyone had woken up, we went to brunch followed by a visit to Taikong Lu, which is a restored, tourist street that included tons of cute things, new art, ceramics, restaurants, and various other interesting goodies.

A man here remarked upon the fact that despite my being from America, I still had a Chinese face. I responded with appreciations that he noticed. It wouldn't be China unless someone did remark on it.

We bought small goodies and wandered around Taikong Lu looking for pockets of intense air conditioning to cool ourselves in the summer humidity. Shanghai was definitely pushing 100 degrees. At the end of our trip, we treated ourselves to 50% drinks at the Esy Cafe where there were cute pillows, delicious drinks. Gigi did the honor of taking goofy photos of us and herself. We had originally planned on going to a soccer game later that night, but impending storms were making us wary. Meanwhile, across the city, our friends had reported that it was storming like it doomsday - we, in Taikong Lu saw sun and some darkening in the horizon. 

As we joyfully drank our drinks (I ordered a mango smooothieeeee! Gigi - chocolate milkshake, Yaya - strawbaobao, and Katie - coffee), the alley way began to darken quite ominously. Gigi announced that perhaps we should consider leaving. Instead of heeding her advice, we overstayed our break by 5 mins, running out into the street as it began to storm. 

How were we going to get home? The rain began to fall harder and I was regretting wearing shorts that were too big. Running becomes slightly when you have to clutch at the pants. As we ran to the closest street corner, I heard a man yelling "OHHHH yeah! OOHHHHHh YEAAAAAH!" I temporarily forgot that I was in China, thinking it to be some skeevy white dude. At least he appreciates thissss!

We are soaked to our skins and cannot find a cab that will take us. The first problem was that there were no cabs that were empty. Then,  three times, as we walked up to their door, they locked them. The four of us found ourselves standing underneath an overhang of a convenience store as random other Shanghai-ers stared at our ridiculous attempts to get a cab. Finally, a cab relented and let us into his car. I laugh as my friends suppose that he must be retarded to let us get in his cab, as we are for sure going to leave him a present.

After going back to the apartment, we went out to a restaurant that had amazing jiaozi and really disgusting Harbin brand bitter beer. I wanted to throw it up but couldn't as I expected I would drink more and the lack of food in my stomach would surely lead to my death. 

Stuffed, the four of us go to meet Heather and her dad at a brewery where they don't have wheat beer and instead I end up drinking this Helles - which was Helles on me body. When Ice ice cold, the beer had a no-taste with a bitter finish. As it gets slightly warmer, it becomes increasingly sour, to the point where it's nastay. Sadly, I ended up drinking this beer all the rest of the night. We finished the night at Shelter - an underground club where the DJ was questionable - we drank Tigers and played silly drinking games.

Then, Katie and I decided that we would play a dancing game - Where we close our eyes for 10 seconds - the other person can do whatever they want. It was  ... then we late nighted at the Late Night Diner. 5:30 home arrival... and then I woke up at 7 am. 

A Complaint to Grocery Stores in China

Dear Groceries in China,

No matter how classy you are, you must stop with a common habit that all Chinese groceries have. Stop placing beverages in the cooler if you have no intention of turning the cooler on. When I reach my hand inside, I expect to grab something that has been chilled, not just placed inside some sort of insulated shelf where it's not any cooler than its friend, on the shelf. GRRR.

Ahoy from BJ,

Christine

Laramie Project

In honor of pride week in Shanghai, my friends and I went to a play about Matthew Shepard. It was long and very long. I fell asleep quite a few times and wished I was drunk. I love gays, but no gay could watch 2.5 hours of 8 random people portraying the identity of 100.

First night in Shanghai: 1 basil martini, 1 gay play, 1 taste of gongbaojiding, ganbiandou, some doufu, and bowl of rice.

More adventures to come. I realized that I am a Chinese skank. Sorry China, I don't look EXACTLY like you.

De-planing Debacle

I've safely arrived in Shanghai. It is incredible hot and muggy. I'm forming a list of delicious things to buy and eat. The first thing that I've drunk is the Binghongcha ice tea. Yum and 3 baozi. 

Let's start from the beginning, shall we? So I had some incredibly good luck with sitting in Business Elite. The beds reclined 180 degrees and I was given a cute little bunk. I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic, Wanted, half of Baby Mama and the scene in Mamma Mia with Amanda Seyfriend and Dominic Hotface on the beach -twice. I ate some multi-course meals including mango and vanilla icecream. 15 hours later, we land and I ready my camera.

People in white body suits arrive with their little ray guns. They're a little bit like scanny guns at the grocery store, but instead of a bar code, it's your forehead. I passed. 

I sat in the second cabin of Business Elite, right in front of coach. I worried about the 3-row 10 day quarantine rule as the list has been expanded. What ended up happening was that someone in the first cabin of BE had a temperature. Business Elite was quarantined, coach was allowed to de-plane first. I seethed in my corral. I had sit while 200 people walked past me, staring at my junk. Niiceeeee.

After being allowed to de-plane 1 hour later despite being in a completely separate cabin, I waited in line to give them my health form, then my immigration form. I finally got my suitcase, rode the Maglev, then the metro for 40 mins. It was hot and I was walking in the general direction of where my friends might live. 

I walked into their complex, and walked around the complex aimlessly until I saw a girl walk up to me. She let me into their building and I knocked on their door. Brilliant. I'm here.

How to Spot Chinese Citizens at the ATL Airport

They are wearing two toned collared shirts, i.e. navy polo with shiny gold collar.

They are wear ill-fitting jeans with tennis shoes.

Their pants are just a little too short. Is there a flood?

They are carrying bags from Yale, a University which they made such to visit while they were in America. Despite the fact that it's in New Haven.

They have really large suitcases to check with tags on them that denote that the brand is, DOGI DIDO - waaaaaaat?

...and obvi if I'm standing behind 5 Chinese nationals in line, people in Atlanta would naturally assume that I am a part of their party. OBVIOUSLY.

Dear Atlanta, I will miss your lack of cultural sensitivity as I depart to China, where everyone has homogenous features but are incredibly passionate racists. At least they don't pretend they are culturally aware.

Peace. Please look out for my blog posts. I will be sending them via email due to the fact that China has blogspots blocked. I laugh in the face of censorship. Since I'll be laughing while typing, if there is a drop in quality of posts, I apologize beforehand.

Baby Love, My Baby Love

Chuck Bass does GQ. OMFG.







OMFG.

Absolutely Fabulous Drinks

If you've ever been extremely bored and placed in a situation where you're limited by basic television on a Sunday night, you might have seen an episode or two of Absolutely Fabulous, the Britcom on two extremely ridiculous DRUNK friends.

These are the drinks that Edina and Patsy enjoy ordering that are not only probably delicious but fun for the mouth to say as well.

the Bolli Stolli: a cocktail of Bollinger champagne and Stolichnaya vodka
a Veuve and Bourb: Veuve Clicquot champagne mixed with bourbon
and a Dom and Bom: Dom Perignon champagne mixed with Bombay Sapphire gin.

It seems to me that these drunken television characters insist on good champagne and good liquor and insist on mixing the two. These three are on my to-drink list, although I doubt how palatable they actually are.

I Heart Huckabee.. the late night battle to settle all battles.

During the lead up to the choosing of John McCain as the Republican candidate, Stephen Colbert credited himself for "creating" other Republican candidate, Mike Huckabee, by upping his popularity with his infamous "Colbert bump". Conan O'Brien countered his claims, claiming that he, by creating Stephen Colbert, created Mike Huckabee. Jon Stewart then threw himself into the ring by showing a video of Conan O'Brien's first appearance on his show in the 90's. Thereby, by the laws governing all of these men's rationale, Jon Stewart is John McCain. How does this work?



This is the battle that settled the question: Who created Huckabee?

Part I

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Conan and Jon
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Part II

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Post-Show Ass Kicking
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

The final battle?

on Youtube HERE. I tried to find it on NBC, but since Conan has moved to The Tonight Show, his records are gone.

Colbert's National Treasure Quest to the Smithsonian

God, I love Stephen Colbert.

This is my other favorite scene from Colbert, where he embarks on a quest to have his portrait placed in the Smithsonian Institution.

Brent Glass guides Colbert through the Smithsonian as he cracks joke about Lincoln's hat, Einstein's pipe, Helen Keller's watch, and most importantly, Prince's guitar. Glass is serious and his serious facade does not change throughout the interview.

Colbert: How did Helen Keller tell time?
Glass: She used this watch.

Part I: Please go to 4 mins 5 seconds.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
National Treasure Pt. 1
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Part II

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
National Treasure Pt. 2
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Part III

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
National Treasure Pt. 3
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Stephen Colbert vs. Rain Dance Off

In honor of a most recent gossip article on Megan Fox dumping Brian Austin Green for her interest in Rain, the K-pop star, I remembered a little thing called the Rain vs. Stephen Colbert dance off. Apparently, last year Stephen Colbert was #2 on the Time Most Influential people list, second only to Rain. He starts a rivalry with him and challenges him to a dance off. This culminates in fog, MJ dance moves and of course, DDR.

This is the recap of the whole story:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen vs. Rain
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

and this is the actual dance off, which definitely is worth the time to view. I love how Stephen Colbert became such a huge star, solely based on the fact that he said he was.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Rain Dance-Off
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

Dear Korea, I love your pop music and your food and your cute stationary.

Axe Dark Temptation is NO Temptation. At All.

Easily, the creepiest ad, I've seen in recent memory.

This is the product:

It's a deodorant that is supposed to smell like chocolate and attract the attention of women. I like the smell of chocolate when it's coming from freshly baked cookies, not when it's emanating from the armpits of a random guy I smell at the office or at the bar. If that wasn't clear enough, perhaps Axe can provide an ad with a mental image of what women should desire, a man that looks like this:

In addition to chocolate man ad, there's a chocolate man commercial, which you should watch.




Yikes.

Pronunciation Test.

For all of my American friends,

How do you pronounce the name Siobhan?

comment with your response.

a. See-OBE-en
b. Sob-an
c. Shab-han
d. Shi-von

I recently came upon this name on the BBC America show, How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?, the search for the next Maria on an Andrew Lloyd Webber produced Sound of Music on the West End. It's on Sundays and it's hosted by Graham Norton. Originally filmed in 2005, the results are online, but it's still a fun show to watch for the accents alone.

What is a Grand Slam?

From Wikipedia, I looked up Grand Slam and came up with this:

"The four Grand Slam tournaments are the most important tennis events of the year in terms of world ranking points, tradition, prize-money awarded, and public attention. They are:

• Australian Open
• French Open
• Wimbledon
• US Open

I feel like this is the generally accepted idea of what a Grand Slam is, something that is sports related. Unless, of course, you're a patron of Denny's. Then, THIS would be your idea of a Grand Slam (it's trademarked!):


For only $2.99, I can't help but think that this particular Grand Slam can only bring a Grand Slam of your own.

Get it, a Grand.. Slam? Grossly awesome.

Nut Brown Crown

It was a dark and stormy Friday night. After a sober dinner experience at Hand in Hand in the Virginia Highlands, a friend suggested that we go to Zesto. Zesto is a chain of fast food restaurants in the South has a restaurant in Little Five Points. I've seen Zesto's bright lights and empty parking lot many times as I've been in the process of being a patron at the local social scene of ATL. This night was slightly different as we drove to Little Five Points for the sole purpose of tasting some Zesto. My friend had described a soft serve cone dipped in chocolate and covered in sprinkles for a mere 50 cents that was intoxicating enough for us to show up with our appetites and high expectations.

We park. There is another car in the lot and two cashiers behind the counter. They look a bit bored in such an empty store. Inside, the patrons have just ordered and we walk in to examine the menu. Immediately I realize that there's nothing on the menu that's half a dollar. BUT, at this point, since I've expended no calories to alcohol, I belief that I need a taste of softserve. The women behind the counter seem slightly irritated that we cannot make up our minds. It is so cold inside the store that my friend leaves, staring at the menu from outside the store. Obviously at this point, the drab cashiers think that we're drunk/high/wasted. No way they would have thought that we were just bored. Laughingly, my friend calls the one standing outside a nut. From outside, she reads our lists correctly but mistakenly assumes that we've read someting on the menu. You see, at Zesto, there is something served called the Nut Brown Crown.

NUT BROWN CROWN. When I heard it, I thought that she was kidding and a genius for stringing those three words together. But then, after further examination, I realize there is something actually on the menu called Nut Brown Crown. Still, there is no explanation of what it is.

But who cares? At this point, I had to have a taste of what Nut Brown Crown in my mouth. It turns out based on illustrations behind the counter, that a Nut Brown Crown is a soft-serve cone covered in chocolate, covered in nuts. OOo delicious, but what an amazingly nasty name. Nut. Brown. Crown? Jesus. Think with the dirtiest of gutter minds to know what I'm saying.

someone's actual nut brown crown via flickr

After being served our Nut Brown Crowns, we walked to the end of the store to consume our quickly falling apart creations. It is a delicious messy treat for sure. It's a melty, creamy, chocolate-y, drippy mess. Our white creamy softserve covering the floor, we laughed as we caught and licked melting icecream off our cones. Upon mostly consuming our icecream, the cold of the store kicks back in and we go outside to eat the rest. As we stepped outside into the humid heat, two young teenage boys decided to tell us that they enjoyed watching us eat.

Essentially, they were hollering at us girls.

As we were eating the Nut Brown Crowns, I mused that the only thing more delicious than a Nut Brown Crown, could be a HOT Nut Brown Crown, which led me to want to say How, Now, Brown Cow, a practice in elocution that demonstrats vowel sounds. This visit to Zesto! proved educational, as until this day, I hadn't realized the potential delicious that is waiting during my Five Points excursions. I urge you to take a visit to Zesto on your own, or preferably with one or two friends.

Emma and the Amazing Burberry Dream Coat

Emma Watson has proved that she will have the longest lasting power among all the major stars in the Harry Potter movies. She is 19, which means she's younger than me, more famous than me, and more successful that I ever will be. ... and she's absolutely gorgeous. These are her new photos from the Mario Testino Burberry Ad Campaign. Apparently, she got paid more than 6-figures for being a model in lovely coats.Ugh, not only is my Anglophilia is acting up, but the closest thing I'm getting toward 6-figures, are 6 Hello Kitty figurines!

The Finest Engrish You Will Ever See

On this eve of my examination, I give to you something that I've had in my possession for 3 years now. It was a random hot muggy day in Beijing where I stopped in a convenience store with some of my classmates and found these.

I beseech you to enjoy what I have kept in my private collection of kitsch. Something so good, I couldn't just take a picture of it and laugh, I had to purchase it, bring them across the ocean and have them sit meaningless in my room for years.

These are sweet potato sticks. Or so I thought. From the front the direct translation is "dried sweet potatoes." They are cut in stick like pieces, so sweet potato sticks is what they are. This is a Chinese product, really, there's no need to put any English on this package at all.

I flipped it over. That's when I discovered that whoever was editing the packaging of this product was at once sick and evil.

Go to the right. Go to Cooking directions: Take in Directly. - Okay, this is strange but I can work with it.

Glance lower. Go to Name: and BAM!





















Here's something you never thought you could buy. Thank you, China. I can't wait to see you again.

Zack Attack on Jimmy Fallon!

Remember the days where high school sitcoms could be a success without indulgent amounts of sex, drug use, and nudity? Saved by the Bell was on NBC on Saturday mornings and back to back showings on TBS every day of the week, followed by Family Matters. Then came the College Years and the episode where Zack marries Kelly in Vegas in the form of a TV movie.

How far we have come (Gossip Girl, I'm talking to you.). Jimmy Fallon is on a one man crusade to reunite the cast of Saved by the Bell. This clip is MPG as Zack Morris on his show. It's been 10 years since the end of the show and Mark Paul has definitely been lucky with his gift of looking the same/better as he has gotten older. In this case, MPG looks identical to his Saved by the Bell days, it's unbelievable how he has better genes that the average Asian woman.

Enjoy.

Monday = Acer Aspire One-day!

In an intense moment of impulsiveness I purchased a netbook. This is it. I'm using it and it is so cute. I've been studying by reading American History and government in order to study for the FSOT so have not been posting. I will begin again starting on Wednesday. I will need to look at cool things to do in Shanghai, Beijing, Tokyo, Taipei, Hong Kong, Macau, and Seoul. If you think you know of places off the beaten track, contact me.

BTW, can UPS suck more? If it's going to get here on Monday, can you make it NOT Monday at 7 pm close? UGH! For $330, I hope that the price doesn't drop within the next two weeks. That's all I ask.

I purchased this netbook last Thursday and since then have been thinking ridiculous thoughts like... ooh the 6 lb laptop I have is so big and heavy.. if only I had a smaller cuter thang - and then! I realized I would.

Dear Asia, get ready for my postings. No more travel notices that apologize for not being able to post because now I have this cute little darling. Blog ya later!

Test Blog!

Since China has blocked blogspots, I wanted a proxy way for me to post freely while I'm in China. If you can see this, then you know it works!

TYRA-diculous

Tyra, is that your reading smile? Your Smart face?

That must be Tyra's Stepford smile.

Oh Tyra, it isn't enough for you to be satisfied with your own life. You have your own talk show, a Top Model enterprise that is devotedly solely to you, along with an E! True Hollywood Story. What more could a girl ask for? Apparently, what Tyra wants the most is to be Michelle Obama.

Here is your evidence. You would think that out of the 275 smiles that Tyra has in her arsenal of experience, she would know the difference between fem-bot, creepy Stepford wife, and Talented Mr. Ripley covetous. Where is the fierce, Tyra? What I see is girl from L.A. trying to get some class and it's noooooot working. The worst part is that Tyra has a fake Obama and fake daughters. Baby Tyras? God help us all.

I like this green dress.

All images courtesy of Harper's Bazaar. Ok, now read the actual article that was written on Tyra - she's TOO ridiculous.

How does a plane go missing? (UPDATE)

As a frequent flyer that relishes turbulence mid-flight, this concerns me greatly.


How does a plane get lost? Can lightening really take down a plane? I hope the plane has just a broken signal of some sort and safely lands in Roissy soon! Stay updated at www.nytimes.com!

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Bad News. I won't elaborate.