The Sideways Pew Hug

I will admit to you right now that I do not attend church regularly. I am not sure if I can even qualify that I attend church irregularly. Altogether, I would say that I enjoy churches mostly for the singing, the stained glass and the history behind the formation of religion. Most of the churches that I have entered have been on vacation or in weddings.

I most recently entered a chapel for a lecture from Salman Rushdie on Wonderlands.

 Look familiar? This picture totally looks like the Miss Dior Cherie Ad.

First of all, this might be a long story, so gird your loins and get ready to ramble! I only heard of this lecture while listening to NPR on my car ride into work, so a) I'm grateful that I listen to NPR, b) for driving into work in the morning, no matter how much I loathe it usually. After finding this link online, I was surprised to know that Salman Rushdie is the Distinguished Writer in Residence at Emory and has been for apparently, the past four years. I mean sure, I have only loved him for three of those years but you can't imagine the surprise that I felt..... at 7:30 in the morning. Right so anyway, I decide that I'm attending this lecture, I buy the tickets and I arrive 20 mins early in order to ensure that I get a good seat. I discover that it's in a chapel, with great acoustics for singing, not lectures. (Sadly, I spent most of Rushdie's lecture struggling to discern his words, and not being able to fully process them.) In these twenty mins, I found myself in the midst of many people who really hadn't read any of Rushdie's work and/or were a part of a party with one person that really wished to attend this lecture. In front was a boy busily texting on his phone. To my left were two professors' wives who had recently retired but still had working husbands  (as you might be able to tell, I am an eavesdropper.) and to my right, is the subject of my post. FINALLY...

I glance over from my people watching on the right to see two liberal arts lesbians saving seats for friends. As their friends arrive, one woman sits down before hugging the other, who is already seated. Seated hugs to me are VERY awkward. I think that the natural process of hugging another person when one is seated, is to rise from the seated position and hug in the standing position.

this is hugging an inanimate object while sitting, awkward, but ok.

Hugging while lying down is called cuddling. Hugging is generally considered a standing activity, or so I have believed for some time now. After some consideration, I imagine the Sideways Pew Hug is easier since the surface of the pew is smooth and there are no real dividers that separate or delineate when one seat ends and the other begins. The slick surface allows clothes to slide as you rotate to hug your lesbian friend who has been saving you a seat at the Salman Rushdie lecture on Wonderlands. I think the only time it is acceptable to hug while sitting is when one is sitting in the other's lap??, this is on the brink of also being awkward in another sense....

Right so! I shall endeavor to hug someone the next time I'm sitting in a pew. After this full dissemination on the science of pew hugging, I will be sure to give you a full report on whether or not it is actually awkward and I expect you to respond likewise.